Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Some days, you wake up late, take a shower, eat some breakfast, groggily stumble to your car, and make your way to work. Other days, you do all that, only on this day, instead of making your way to work, you see that your passenger side window is smashed out, and your CD player and all of your recently purchased and favorite CDs have been stolen, along with a pair of sunglasses you are kind of glad to see gone, and I think maybe some pennies. Today was the latter of these two days.

Yes, I have been officially christened into the world of living ITP ("inside the perimeter" for all you OTP people). And since the glass repair folks can't make it out until three days from now to repair said window, Ziggy (my car) has been outfitted with a spiffy new 2007 model cardboard window complete with blue painter's tape. Very dashing.

The funny thing is, when I walked outside and saw my window had been smashed out, I didn't really react at all. I just turned around, woke Scott up, and called the cops. After making the appropriate phone calls to work, my insurance company, and the glass repair people, I headed outside to pick up the carnage. It was at this point that I began to get pissed off. Not so much because this person had broken my window and stolen shit. But more so because I was being made to clean it up. It's not bad enough that some asshole piece of shit feels the need to forcefully make my personal belongings his belongings. But now I have to pick up pieces of broken glass from all over the inside of my car, pick up all the shit in my car that he deemed unworthy of stealing, and listen to little pieces of broken class go crashing around inside my fucking car door everytime I close the door.

And what's even funnier is that when my house got broken into in Athens, I was all "Well, they probably needed the money more than I did." But this time, no. Fuck that. This time, I'm angry, and whoever did this is a piece of shit. Not because of what this person stole. My CD player was ganky as hell and would skip constantly. I was beginning to really hate that thing anyway, and at this point, it's probably worth about $5. And the CDs I can always download from the internet. This person is a piece of shit because they broke that invisible bubble of protection I thought I had surrounding my personal property. It would never occur to me to say "Hey, look at that shit that's not mine. I will now forcibly make it mine. I'm a fucking shitty human being." But I guess that's because I respect people's belongings and assume they will do the same. I don't feel less safe per se, I just feel angry that someone would disrespect me in such a cowardly way. I'm not saying that if I had seen them doing it, I'd have run out there and confronted them, but the fact that some nameless faceless person insulted me in such a way is pretty damn frustrating.

I hope they enjoy my crappy CD player I got for free, and my 2 Yo La Tengo albums I was really digging on, and my compilation CDs my friend made for me for my birthday that he can sell for nothing, and my Feist album that I was equally digging on, and my shitty glasses that were too heavy and dug into my nose, and my car adapter for said shitty CD player, and I think he took my fucking Lactaid pills, too. I hope they give him violent diarrhea.

But, being the consummate optimist I am, I'm forced to look on the bright side. At least he left behind my two packs of gum, my car insurance and registration cards, the empty CD cases of the now-stolen CDs, and a fuckload of broken glass that will cost me the $50 deductible to repair, which equals about $40 more than this person will get for all the shit he stole, you fucking dick of a human being.

So enjoy you're well-earned $10, you piece of shit. And I hope someday someone violates you in the same way you have violated my sense of safety. Only I hope it's in prison, and I hope it's by some angry Mexican gang member with bad manners, and who hasn't learned the lubricating powers of saliva.

Tirade over. I'll be better tomorrow.


At February 06, 2007 1:54 PM, Blogger Richard Delicious said...

Its quite odd, but somehow I manage to almost always check your blog on the days you post. Also, for some reason I seem to very much enjoy splitting infinitives.

I am sorry for your sadness. I'm sure that the violation of your personal space is a more heartfelt loss than the CD player.

On the bright side, who knows what calamity you may have missed by having your morning pushed back as a result of this. Perhaps there was a serial anal rapist on his way to your place of work with a heinous plan to invade your anus with a combination of brute force, elbow grease and chutzpah. Upon discovering your car absent from the parking lot, he gave up his quest, and decided instead to have a latte. Isn't that worth a car radio?

Gomusic.ru wants to sell you music for super cheap. Super cheap as in $2.02 for Feist's Open Season, and $1.48 for Let It Die.

At February 07, 2007 1:26 PM, Blogger Kyle Weekend said...

Thanks for the kind words. I feel less bitter today.

Also, it's good to know how many seemingly negative events in my life will now be viewed as potential ways of avoiding forced sodomy. I never thought of it that way.

BTW, can't wait to get drunk this weekend in honor of your leaving town.

At February 09, 2007 5:33 PM, Anonymous jen murse. said...

MAN that sucks kyle. that really sucks. im sorry to hear that. you know what i hate even more than someone breaking your window and stealing like $5? when someone just breaks your window. doesn't take anything. or keys your car. cuz then they didn't even attempt to acquire goods. they just wanted to fuck you over. those lousy pieces of shit.

on another note. i love that richard up there said "Also, for some reason I seem to very much enjoy splitting infinitives." THAT, is priceless. :)

At February 09, 2007 11:17 PM, Blogger chief said...

that happened to me when john and i lived downtown. it was odd realizing it's really not ok to leave your wallet inside your own vehicle at night; everyone seemed to understand that but me. the cop, who was really awesome, clued me in on how this guy probably worked. his, yes all thieves are male, accomplice drops him off at the end of the street and while he runs down, busting windows and snatching loot, the accomplice drives to the opposite end of said street and waits until thief and booty arrive. they then go and hit up another street. smart fockers.

oh, i hope you got your cyhsy tickets.

At March 01, 2007 11:29 AM, Anonymous chris hassiotis said...

the empty CD cases of the now-stolen CDs

He just took the CDs but left the CD cases? That's weird, and it seems too labor-intensive to be an efficient way of thieving.

But hey, what do I know, when those guys broke into our house they spend their time enjoying cashews and Halloween candy.

p.s. At Jason's bday party in Brooklyn, a neighborhood homeless guy made his way into the party and stole a bunch of Jason's prescription contacts.


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