Friday, January 12, 2007

No truer horoscope has ever been written:

Capricorn December 22 - January 19
Attempts at self-medicating with alcohol will once again fail to treat your rampant alcoholism. (The Onion)

Sorry for the long absence. Hopefully, I'll be back with more chewy goodness soon.

Here's a teaser: I recently had a doctor describe my asshole in terms of a clock, and he said "So, that would roughly be around the six o'clock area."


At January 15, 2007 2:55 PM, Blogger Richard Delicious said...

Can I ask a clarifying question?

Would 12 o'clock be at the top of this clock if you were lying on your back, legs spread, with the observer in front of you, or if you were on all fours, legs similarly spread, but with the observer behind you?

This is important.

At January 16, 2007 9:30 AM, Blogger Kyle Weekend said...

See, that was unclear to me too. But I was biting my lip so hard to stop myself from laughing that I didn't think to ask him for clarification. When he was poking around up there, I was on my side, if that helps.

At January 29, 2007 6:52 PM, Blogger The Rabbit said...

so what was it that was around your asshole's 6 (or 12 o'clock) area?

At February 06, 2007 11:24 AM, Blogger Kyle Weekend said...

Well, that would be what is referred to as an anal fissure. Or in laymen's terms, a cracked asshole. It's apparently what happens to some unfortunates (namely, myself), when you replace the shitty diet you've had for the last 25 years with a healthier one involving more fiber and other good stuff, and begin to have regular bowel movements that your asshole is not prepared for.

Yay fiber, boo cracked asshole.

Luckily, I seem to be well on my way to normal asshole functioning thanks to a rather helpful doctor who now knows my rectum better than I do.


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